We are mid month with our shot and that can lead to some mental clarity for Divina. She actually reaches out for companionship a bit more or realizes that I am tired and backs off to let me rest.
This week we did the lunches together from Wed-Friday and those went well. She had our orders ready and healthy options. It’s going to be a big help to our nutritional health, as she was very cognizant of her food choices before. She would try to get David to eat well but he was latched onto convenience and frugality. That translates to drive thru. This is my go to as well. Cheap fast eats.
Divina loves whole foods and variety. She’s a cultural foodie, always trying new flavors. It use to be fun for us to take a day and visit a different restaurant. Our rule was never return to the same place twice. There is enough variety in choices, so we would spread the money around town to different local vendors.
Lunches together are going to be a good thing during the week. Even if we don’t have much conversation, she will feel my presence and support everyday even though I’m out of the house for 10+ hours a day.
Today, Divina has been in her room nearly all day. When the guys are home, she is not comfortable enough to hang out in the sala=living room. She didn’t even want to hang out with me in my bedroom, where there is space for both of us to sit or lounge together comfortably. I set her room up with a single bed 🛏️ with the purpose of her becoming accustomed to sleeping alone. If she ever should end up in a group home or hospital, they are not going to give her a big luxurious bed. We did fluff up her space nicely with furry pillows and bolsters. She is in a comfortable place made just with her in mind and she picked out all the furniture.
There does lack a place for me to sit without being in pain. The bed is quite high and cushy, more like a beanbag than a mattress. It does not support my back properly, yet she is completely comfortable there.
The point being, she spends most of her time there, in bed, resting or rocking. She was engaged in something on her phone today and not inside her head, so I could rest. It’s only a problem if someone tries to convince her to leave the house without a conversation with me.
I’ve scolded her a few times now, reminding her that the model of behavior I set for her was to ALWAYS say goodbye. It is a courteous of genuine love, take a second, give a hug, let others know where your going… etc common respect.
Those are the challenges we have had for the last 6 months while being engaged on the phone and conversations with strangers.
She mentioned Saturday that one of the young men she first met upon arriving home, would like to hang out on Monday. I guess he tried to visit with her Saturday but I was asleep 😴 and she didn’t want to wake me. We are making improvement.
It is like all of the training she had as a teenager was wiped clean off of the disc. She does not remember the rules of the household. The value system that has been in place since her childhood. It did not change.
She was only out of the house with her husband for couple years, back and forth together. David lived with us for nearly 2 years as well, with her dog too! 6 adults and a golden shepherd in a 12ft, 2 bed, 1 bath, trailer. Not exciting times. I will always marvel at how we managed to keep the peace with all those different personalities in such tight quarters.
Divina has always been the hardest personality to deal with, not always accepting no for an answer. She is a determined woman. Luckily for us, she bares no malice in any form. Mostly just really high standards. It’s a lot of pressure.
Yesterday was day 7 without a bath, and when I mentioned it, she flat out responded, she didn’t want to. 🛁 Well then. I had mentioned that I would like her to take it while I was here at the house in case she needed help with her hair. I also told her not to worry about combing it out, but just get conditioner in it and let the water weight it down. What does one do?
I just listened, grateful that she even responded. I continued writing ✍️ she sat with me and looked at her phone. Then out of the blue she wanted to shower. Her hair turned out lovely 🥰 It’s getting so long. Both of us struggled to grow out our hair for a very long time. So we bonded over that accomplishment together. She really is a beautiful girl.
Backstory
Divina had some traumatic experiences in middle school regarding her race. It scarred her self esteem. She is a Shade darker than her mother & a Shade lighter than her dad. African American with Cherokee & Caucasian. If she ever reads this, I would hear about it if I wouldn’t have included her Native American bloodline. 🤷♀️
With the divorce, we decided as a family, she would stay with her dad in the house she grew up in and continue in the only school she ever knew. It was very hard to navigate middle school without her mom there daily and watch her dad struggle alone. I went over the road to learn how to drive semi trucks. That was also a family discussion with everyone, including her, having a say.
She would go back and forth. I helped her design her room at her dad’s house to indulge her girly years.
Managing her hair alone at such a young age was very hard, & I wasn’t really any help because our hair is so different. Middle schools girls are quite ruthless when it comes to dress, and body. Body shaming took its toll on Divina as she was tall, full figured, brown, curly haired in a very good upper class charter school. For many years, Divina was miserable.
When she started high school, I brought her over to live at my house permanently. I could finally sustain both myself and her financially. It was about 3 years of weekend visits or being with me in the semi for vacations. She didn’t want to live with me, but to go to a better school, it was necessary. Her dad needed the time off too to recuperate.
Well this is turning into a book 📖 📚
The point is Shade=Divina didn’t deserve this. She was just an innocent child, with a big heart.
We can talk more about this another day. There’s plenty of time.
Please keep Shade in your prayers. 🙏🏻